Shemirat HaLashon שמירת הלשון

And now we shall speak of Jacob, our father, may peace be upon him. It is known that when he went from his father's house to Canaan, he was sixty-three years old, as Rashi explains. And he was seventy-seven when he came to the house of Lavan. What happened to the fourteen intervening years? Chazal say (Bereshith Rabbah 68:5) that he was with Shem and Ever and learned there in their house of study.

Now, ostensibly, this raises a question about our father, Jacob, may peace be upon him. Was this the time for Torah study? Was he not sixty-three years old and without children? And [this is] especially [puzzling] in view of the fact that only he, and no other man, was fit for the procreation of the holy nation of Israel which was destined to appear upon the earth. And all this was known to our father Jacob, as Rashi comments on (Bereshith 29:21): "For my days [of waiting] have been completed," "and when will I procreate the twelve tribes?" If so, it was a great mitzvah that he go immediately to the house of Lavan, as Isaac had told him and marry a woman and not to delay and separate himself for Torah study for fourteen years.

To answer all this, it would seem that Jacob knew that obviously Lavan would not agree to give him his daughter without receiving a great gift, as it is written (Ibid. 31:15): "Does he [Lavan] not regard us [his daughters] as strangers"? [see Rashi] And it is known that our father Jacob became impoverished by Elifaz [the son of Esav] on the way. If so, he would certainly have to do slave labor for him in order to marry his daughter, as Isaac had commanded him, and as, indeed, occurred in the end. And Jacob was afraid to go down to him and to remain there. For he knew that Lavan was a deceiver, and that he would also want to drive him from the world, as the Torah testifies about him at the end, that he pursued him and desired to kill him, lest the G-d of Abraham aided and rescued him (viz. Ibid. 31:42). And [he knew that] his house, too, was full of idols and that he could not withstand such impurity without the merit of the holiness of Torah, and that in the house of Lavan it would not be possible for him to cleave to Torah.

Therefore, anticipating this, he fled to Shem and Ever and studied Torah there with great diligence for fourteen years. For all of these years he did not once lay down to sleep a full sleep, as Scripture testifies about him (Ibid. 28:11): "And he slept in that place," as Rashi explains there. And, with such learning, though he remained in the house of Lavan afterwards for several years, nothing could harm him. [According to our words, the figure of fourteen years is very apt. For since they were meant to offset the years that he would have to remain in the house of Lavan, and it is known that this would be fourteen years, Jacob knowing that he could not return to his house so long as Joseph had not been born, he [Joseph] being as "flame" and Esav as "straw" [see Ovadiah 1:18], and as it is written (Bereshith 30:25): "And it was, when Rachel bore Joseph, that Jacob said to Lavan: "Send me away, etc.'", (as Rashi explains), and it is known that Joseph was in the fourteenth year, as it is written (Ibid. 31:41): "I served you fourteen years for your two daughters, etc." — therefore, Jacob first learned Torah fourteen years without interruption, so that the merit of these fourteen years would stand for him in the house of Lavan, as mentioned above.]

Now we, who always bring to remembrance the merit of the fathers [on our behalf] must walk, likewise, in the footsteps of Jacob our father, may peace be upon him. And every father must see to it to habituate his son to Torah and to mitzvoth so long as he is at his table; that is, until he is twenty-one years of age. And then, even if his lot falls to serve his majesty, the emperor, and he certainly will not be able to study Torah at that time, still, there will not depart from him the holiness of the Torah that he had learned until then. [And certainly the Holy One Blessed be He will prosper him and will incline the hearts of the king and his counselors and his princes to him for the good, as it is written in regard to Joseph (Bereshith 39:21): "And the L-rd was with Joseph, and He conferred grace upon him, and He granted him favor, etc."] And also, at the end of his term of service, when he returns home, all of his deeds will be done with integrity and his father will not be ashamed of him, and the Holy One Blessed be He will prosper him for this in this world, as he did with Jacob our father at the end of his term of service with Lavan, as written in the Torah. And also, in the celestial world, when he merits standing before the throne of honor of the Blessed One, he will be one of the "holy ones" of the L-rd in the merit of having singled out the L-rd to be his G-d, as it is written (Devarim 16:17-19): "The L-rd did you single out this day to be to you as a G-d, and to walk in His ways, and to keep His statutes, and His mitzvoth… And the L-rd did single you out this day… and to be a holy people to the L-rd your G-d, etc."

But, if he [the father] will seek to remove from him the yoke of Torah and mitzvoth in his youth in order to lighten the load of his military service, so that he will have to serve only a short time, then he will be a shame to his father in his beginning in this world and source of humiliation to him in the end, in the upper world, for he will have traded an eternal world for a temporal one.

And because it is known that the yetzer always stirs up a man to think only of temporal success, the tanna has given us a balm for this, saying (Avoth 2:1): "Weigh the loss of a mitzvah against its gain, and the gain of a transgression against its loss." That is, let one appraise the smallness of the loss that he incurs in this world by performing a mitzvah against the vastness of the eternal, spiritual reward that he will gain in the upper world. And if the yetzer hara invites him to perform a transgression for some pleasure, let him appraise the smallness of the pleasure that he will enjoy from it in this world for a minute time against the vast punishment and eternal suffering that it will cause him.

And the same applies in our case. In order to overcome the yetzer and those who incite him to incline his son from the path of good to that of evil, let one put before his eyes the eternal reward and punishment, respectively, that a man derives from his sins, and then the yetzer will relax its grip on him. For this is the language of the holy Zohar in Parshath Bechukothai 115: "(Malachi 1:6):

'A son will honor his father, and a servant his master.' A son will honor his father, as it is written: 'Honor your father and your mother,' which they explained: 'with food and with drink and the like.' This, during the life of his father. Now lest you say that after his father dies, he is exempt from this, this is not so, for [in this respect, too,] it is written: 'Honor your father.' For if the son walks in crooked paths, he certainly shames his father; he certainly humiliates him. But if that son walks in a just path and corrects his misdeeds, he certainly honors his father. He honors him in this world before people; he honors him in the world to come before the Holy One Blessed be He. The Holy One Blessed be He pities him [the father] and places him in his seat of honor. Happy are the tzaddikim, who merit holy sons, holy offspring, of whom it is written (Isaiah 61:9): 'All who see them will defer to them, for they are seed blessed of the L-rd.'"

And, what is more, even if this [disreputable] son of his dies, and he [the father] has already merited through his deeds to sit in Gan Eden, even so, there will accrue to him [the father] great suffering from him. For they will take him from Gan Eden to Gehinnom to witness the suffering of his son, as Chazal have said. And the GRA has adduced this idea on the verse (Mishlei 29:17): "Chastise your son and he will give you peace, and he will give pleasures to your soul": "When your son, etc."; and, furthermore, he will give you peace from Gehinnom, 'and he will give pleasures to your soul' in Gan Eden, as in the episode of R. Akiva, who learned Torah with a wicked son and rescued him [the father] from Gehinnom; and, what is more, even a tzaddik, if he has a wicked son, is taken from Gan Eden to Gehinnom to witness the suffering of his son. And this is the meaning of 'Chastise your son, and he will give you peace' in your place, and he will also give you pleasures, etc."

And when he reflects constantly and weighs the smallness of the reward of transgression in this world against its eternal loss, the father will certainly not pay heed to the voice of the "whisperers" and will choose life, to strengthen his son in the Torah of the L-rd, which is the true life, as it is written (Mishlei 3:18): "It is a tree of life to those who hold fast to it." And if he eats of its fruits, he lives forever, as Chazal have formulated for us in the blessing "And eternal life did He plant in our midst." And then he will merit eternal life, he and his seed, as it is written: "And he will give pleasure to your soul," and, as it is written in the Torah (Devarim 30:19): "And choose life, so that you live, you and your seed."

And also in this world, his affairs will prosper, as Chazal have said (Avodah Zarah 19b): "Whoever occupies himself with Torah, his affairs prosper," as it is written (Psalms 1:2-3): 'but in the Torah of the L-rd is his desire,… and all that he does shall prosper.'"

And all this is alluded to in short in the answer of the Holy One Blessed be He to the congregation of Israel (Song of Songs 1:7): "How will you graze?", which connotes "influence." How will you make them lie down in the afternoon?", which connotes the severity of the time. "If you do not know, etc…. in the footsteps of the sheep," which alludes to reflection upon the ways of our forefathers — Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. If we walk in their ways, He will grant us influence, as our fathers had, and there will be attenuated for us the severity of the times in all of our dwelling places.

And, with the help of the L-rd, I have found, similarly, in the holy Zohar that this verse alludes to strengthening our sons in Torah, whereby we will have strength to protect our sons and whereby we shall endure among the nations, viz. Zohar, Parshath Balak:

"If you do not know for you, you fairest of the women, etc." Why "for you"? [The meaning is:] If you do not know how to strengthen yourself in exile and how to gird yourself with power to defend your sons, then "go out for you," to strengthen yourself "in the footsteps of the sheep," the children in their teacher's house, who study Torah." From them you will take strength to protect your sons.