Shemirat HaLashon שמירת הלשון

One must furthermore take great heed to accustom himself to the trait of acquiescence, to be resigned to all that happens to him, as we find in Avoth d'R. Nathan 41:11: "Teach yourself to accept suffering and to resign yourself to your shame." This will make guarding his tongue much easier for him. For lacking this, he will constantly have to overcome his yetzer — not to go and tell others what happened between himself and Ploni or to take heed of how to speak [see Chafetz Chaim Part One, Principle X: 13, 14, 15]; and sometimes he will overcome the yetzer and sometimes it will overcome him. And even if one shames him to his face, he must not answer at all, but know that all comes from the L-rd because of his sins, and that it is his sins which shame him.

And when he accepts the din upon himself in truth, certainly the Holy One Blessed be He will "lift his horn" because of this in this world and in the world to come, as we find with King David, may peace be upon him (II Samuel 16:7), when Shimi ben Gera cursed him and cast stones upon him and the servants of David wanted to be zealous for his honor because of this. He did not allow them to do so and accepted the din upon himself, saying (Ibid. 10): "The L-rd has told him to curse," concerning which Chazal have said: "At that time David merited becoming the fourth of the legs of the Divine Chariot."

And, likewise, any man, if he merits [attaining] this trait in perfection, will be accounted in the future among the lovers of the Blessed L-rd and will shine as "the sun coming forth in its strength" As Chazal have said (Shabbath 88b): "Those who are shamed but do not shame [in return], who hear themselves abused and do not retort, who serve [the L-rd] out of love and rejoice in afflictions, — of such it is written (Judges 5:31): 'And His lovers, as the sun coming forth in its strength.'"

And the commentators explain that three levels are mentioned here: 1) not being ashamed when his friend shames him, but possibly retorting. 2) compelling himself not to retort so as not to draw down upon himself through this even more shaming by his friend. 3) serving out of love and rejoicing in afflictions. That is, his not retorting stems from his loving the L-rd and accepting these afflictions with joy. And when he reaches the third level, he merits all this honor. For this trait comes to a man from the holiness of his soul and his pure faith in the L-rd that He directs all his ways, as it is written (Iyyov 34:21): "For His eyes are on the ways of a man, etc.", and He does all for his good. As we find in Midrash Tanchuma: "One should rejoice in afflictions more than in good. For even if a man receives good all of his days, his sins are not forgiven. And how is he forgiven? By afflictions. R. Elazar said: "A man must be grateful to the L-rd when afflictions come upon him. Why so? For afflictions draw a man to the Holy One Blessed be He, as it is written (Mishlei 3:12): 'Whom the L-rd loves, He chastises.'" If afflictions come upon a man let him suffer them and accept them. Why? For there is no limit to their reward. (Psalms 37:7): 'Be silent in the L-rd and hope [vehithcholel] in Him.' Hope in the L-rd. If He brings afflictions upon you, do not "kick" at them but accept them as chalilin (like "vechithcholel"), as flutes [of joy]." And toleration of shame is in the category of afflictions, as mentioned above, "who serve out of love and rejoice in afflictions."

And if a man wishes to cleave to this trait of savlanuth, let him reflect always on the punishment for sins in Gehinnom and through gilgul [metempsychosis]. As Chazal have said (Eruvin 19a) on Psalms 84:7: "ovrei be'emek habacha mayan yeshituhu": "Ovrei" — these are the transgressors [ovrim] of the L-rd's will; "emek" — Gehinnom is deepened [ma'amikim] for them; "habacha" — they cry [bochim] and shed tears as the well of Shitin [mayan shel shitin (into which the remainder of the alter libations was poured)]." And it is known that the fire of the first level of Gehinnom is sixty times more intense than ours; of the second level, sixty times more intense than that of the first level. And thus the punishment redoubles itself in all the [succeeding] levels. And Ramban has already written in Sha'ar Hagmul that one moment in Gehinnom is more excruciating than all the afflictions of Iyyov all of his days. And it is also known that the punishment of gilgul is more excruciating than the punishment of Gehinnom.

Therefore, if one reflects upon his deeds always and knows that he, too, will not be cleansed on the day of din from the awesome punishment, he will certainly accept upon himself with much joy this trait of savlanuth and of overlooking his prerogatives in exchange for the aforementioned terrible punishments. (As written in Sefer Charedim: "When I hear all those who shame and insult me in public, I put before my vision, scales. In one [balance] I place my sins, and in the other, the shamings and insults, and I see the balance of sins pressing downwards. And I remain silent and vindicate my judgment. And thus I do with all kinds of afflictions in speech or in deed.") For do we not see plainly that a man is ready to accept all kinds of denigration if through this he can prevent the loss of his possessions (as in a conflagration and other sufferings, G-d forbid)? How much more so if he knows that through this [denigration], he will escape severe physical punishment. From all this we can conclude the same a fortiori with respect to savlanuth, where he is under duress only when he stands near his friend and hears his shame.

We shall explain our words: Even if he were not forgiven through this [savlanuth] only for one sin completely, but would only have his punishment [somewhat] attenuated, it would suffice him [to suffer this denigration]. How much more so if he were forgiven completely for one sin. And how much even more so now that we know that he is forgiven for all his sins, even those which are called "pesha" [offense], (so long as he takes heed not to commit them from now on.) As Chazal have said (Rosh Hashanah 17a): "If one forgives slights against himself, all of his offenses are forgiven, as it is written (Michah 7:18): 'He forgives transgression and passes over offense.' Whose transgression does He forgive? The one who 'passes over' [i.e., overlooks] offense."

But if one wants the Holy One Blessed be He to forgive him even for his offenses, let him take heed not to take offense at all, even if he knows for a certainty that what his friend did against him was done with malice and treachery, which is called "pesha' [offense], as they have said (Yoma 36b): "'Peshaim' — these are sins of rebellion." This is their intent in "Whose transgression does He forgive? The one who overlooks offense." (For, in truth, the Holy One Blessed be He forgives him even for his "offenses," as it is written: "All of his offenses are forgiven." And Scripture states first (Michah 7:18): "He forgives transgression" because of the order of the traits of the Holy One Blessed be He. For he [first] forgives transgression and also overlooks offense, as it is written in the Torah (Exodus 34:7): "He forgives transgression and offense.")

And this trait sometimes avails a man to lengthen his life, even if it were already decreed upon him to die, as in the following instance (Rosh Hashanah 17a): "When R. Huna b. R. Yehoshua took ill, R. Pappa went to visit him. Seeing that he was gravely ill, he said: 'Ready his escort' [i.e., funeral shrouds]." In the end, however, he recovered, and R. Pappa was embarrassed to be seen by him. [Later,] R. Huna asked him: "What did you see?" [that prompted you to say what you did? (And R. Pappa answered him.)] R. Huna (in response): "I really was designated for death, but the Holy One Blessed be He said [to the angels assigned thereto]: 'Since he is not exacting [in slights to himself], do not be exacting with him.'"

Therefore, one must cleave to this holy trait, and it will be well for him, now and in the future.

This, too, shall he see [to do]. Not to take upon himself any appointments, if not for mitzvah matters. For [if he does] he is very likely to stumble into the sin of lashon hara. And he should fulfill in himself the dictum of Chazal (Sanhedrin 14a): "Be lowly and live." In general, one who wishes to be "complete" in his ways should avoid the company of men as much as he can. And even if he is a businessman, who sometimes must meet with men who are not reputable at all, to do business with them, still, so long as it is not absolutely essential to join them, he should distance himself from them.