Sefer HaChinuch ספר החינוך

To not mistreat any Israelite with words: To not mistreat any Israelite with words, meaning to say that one not say to an Israelite words that hurt him or cause him pain and he doesn’t have the strength to be helped by them. And in explanation, they, may their memory be blessed, said (Bava Metzia 58b), “How is it? If he was a penitent, he should not say to him, ‘Remember your previous deeds.’ If ailments are coming upon him, he should not say to him in the way that Job’s friends spoke (Job 4:6), ‘Is not your reverence, your confidence, etc.’ If one saw donkey drivers seeking [feed], he should not say, ‘Go to x,’ when he knows that he does not have any. And do not say to a trader, ‘How much is this item?,’ when he does not wish to buy it.” And about this it is stated (Leviticus 25:17), “A man should not mistreat his countryman.”

The root of this commandment is well-known — for it is to give peace among the creatures. And great is peace, as through it is blessing found in the world; and difficult is disagreement — how many curses and how many tragedies are dependent upon it.

From the laws of the commandment are many warnings and many prods with which they, may their memory be blessed, warned us about this matter that we not hurt the creatures in anything nor embarrass them. And they expanded on the thing until they said (Bava Metzia 58b) that one should not place his eyes on a [possible] purchase at a time when he has no money. And it is fitting to be careful that no insult of people be heard even from a hint of his words. As the Torah was very concerned about mistreatment in words, since it is something very difficult for the heart of the creatures. And many people are more concerned about it than about money — and as they, may their memory be blessed said (Bava Metzia 58b), “Mistreatment of words is greater than mistreatment of money; as with mistreatment of words, it states (Leviticus 25:17), ‘and you shall fear your God, etc.’” And it would not be possible to write all of the things that [bring] pain to people individually. But everyone needs to be careful according to what he sees — as God, blessed be He, knows all of his steps and all of his hints; ‘since man looks to the eyes, but He looks to the heart.’ And how many stories did they, may their memory be blessed, write in midrashim to teach us ethics about this! And the essence of the matter is in the fourth chapter of [Bava] Metzia.

And this commandment is practiced in all places and at all times by males and females. And even to minors, it is proper to be careful not to pain them with words more than what is necessary — unless in regard to when they need a lot, so that they will take rebuke — and even to one’s sons and daughters who live in a man’s house. And one who is lenient with them, not to cause them pain in these matters, will find life, blessing, and honor. And one who transgresses this and pained his fellow with words, with the ones our Sages, may their memory be blessed, specified — with a penitent or a sick man or those like them — has violated this negative commandment. But we do not administer lashes for it, since there is no act [involved] with it. But how many lashes — even without the whip of the calf (leather) — are there in the hands of the Master Who commands about this, may He be exalted and blessed.

However according to what it seems, it is not understood that if an Israelite came and began to be wicked to pain his fellow with his bad words, that the listener should not answer him. For it is not possible for a man to be “like a stone that cannot be overturned” — moreover, that he will be in his silence like one who concedes to the insults. And in truth, the Torah did not command for a man to be like a stone, silent to those who insult him and to those who bless him alike. Rather it commands us to distance ourselves from this trait and that we should not begin to quarrel and insult people. And like this, every man will be saved from all this — since one who doesn’t quarrel will not be insulted by people, except for [by] complete fools; and we should not pay attention to fools. And if perhaps some insulting person will force him to answer his words, it is fitting for a wise person to reply to him in a roundabout and pleasant way, and not become very angry; as “anger rests on the bosom of fools.” And he will [so] save himself before those who listen to his insults, and he will cast the burden upon the one who insults [him]; and this is the way of the best among men. And we should learn this thing — that it is permitted to us to reply to a fool — according to what it seems from how the Torah permitted one who comes to rob secretly to be preceded and killed (Exodus 22:1). As there is no doubt that a man is not obligated to bear harm from his fellow; as he has permission to save himself from his hand — and similarly from the words of his mouth that are full of deceit and cunning — with anything that he is able to save himself from him. However there is a group of people whose righteousness rises so much that they do not want to include themselves in this teaching — to reply something to those that insult them — lest anger will overpower them and they become involved in the matter more than is necessary. And about them they, may their memory be blessed, said (Shabbat 88b), “Those who are humiliated but do not humiliate [back], who hear their insult and do not reply — about them the verse states (Judges 5:31), ‘but those who love Him are like the sun coming out in its strength.’”