Shemirat HaLashon שמירת הלשון

And if he is a man who is by nature depressed and fears exerting himself in this trait of silence, for he must speak about the affairs of the world for the sake of his health, in any event, he should accustom himself not to speak about people, whoever they may be (with the exception of those who have left the fold to deny the L-rd and those who mock the words of Chazal; for such as these, it is a mitzvah to demean, as we have written in Chafetz Chaim, Principle VII, section 5). And if sometimes it is essential to speak about someone he should be extremely terse and not speak at length in order not to come close to an issur. And I have heard the about the Gaon, R. Refail of Hamburg that four years before his death he removed from himself the yoke of the Rabbinate, and when people came to him, he asked them not to speak in his house about any person. And, likewise, I have heard about another great man of the generation that he would take great care that there not be heard from his mouth the name of any person. And all, for the aforementioned reason.

Even more so, should he take care not to speak to a shopkeeper about other shopkeepers or with any tradesman about his fellow tradesman. For, in all probability, one tradesman does not love the other and he is very likely to come through this to lashon hara. And if one knows that the first harbors hatred against the other, he should certainly not speak to him about the other. And, it goes without saying that he should not praise one to the other, which is certainly forbidden, as Chazal have said (Arachin 16a): "Let one not speak in praise of his friend, for from praising him he will come to demeaning him," all of which I have explained in Chafetz Chaim, Part One, Principle IX. And it is also highly advisable to avoid with him even speech in general, which is not in the class of demeaning or praising. For in his hatred of the other, he is highly likely to draw the speech in another direction, which will make it easier for him to shoot the arrows of his mouth against him. And if he must tell him something essential about the other, he should not linger with him in this. For if not so, he will certainly come to lashon hara, as with flash powder, which smells of fire, it being impossible not to ignite the flame [of lashon hara] thereby.

And if he began to speak with Reuven about Shimon, not knowing that Reuven hates him and in the course of his conversation he comes to sense that he hates him and that [continuing to talk] would lead to lashon hara — then, if he has no way of leaving him, he should divert the talk to some other matter. Similarly, if he starts talking to someone and feels that when he concludes, he will have been trapped into lashon hara or the like, he should gird his soul to battle his yetzer, stop in the middle, and change the topic, just as, if in the middle of a meal, he were told that he was eating forbidden food, he would certainly stop eating immediately and spit out even what was in his mouth (as written in Ya'aroth D'vash.) And even if he would sometimes come to shame because of this, Chazal have said (Eduyoth 7b): "It is better that a man be called a fool all his life and not be an evildoer for one moment before the L-rd." And Ramban has already written in Sha'ar HaGmul that one moment in Gehinnom is worse than all the suffering of Iyyov all of his days. And it is known that a person would rather be shamed than endure terrible suffering.

And all that we have written applies only when he has no way to correct matters [between the parties]. But if he [knows that] his words will be heeded and he has the ability to make peace between them, then certainly it is a mitzvah for him to hear all that is [transpiring] between them, and there is no issur of lashon hara in this whatsoever.

Furthermore, he should take great care not to stand in the company of men. And even if he needs something essential, he should not linger there, unless he does not know them to be men among whom there is no forbidden speech. And even if the entire company are good men, and there is found one among them who is a man of malice, he spoils the entire company and it is advisable to leave them, or at least to court silence at that time with all of his strength, as written in Rosh Hagivah: "Take heed, my son, of what was said by King Solomon, may peace be upon him (Mishlei 23:9): 'In the ears of a fool do not speak, for he will shame the wisdom of your words.' Take heed, then, of a gathering of a hundred men if there is among them one fool or one speaker of levity, especially one who is wise in his [own] eyes, who is the true fool, as it is written: 'The fool is wise in his eyes.' Strengthen yourself and sit in silence and speak of nothing in that gathering. For even if you speak all kinds of wisdom, he will triumph over you, and you will take [only] shame for yourself. For thus has Solomon said (Ibid. 11:2): '[The man of] malice comes and shames comes, etc.' And even if you want to speak [privately] with your friend, make sure that you are not heard by that man, even from behind a fence. For this reason it is written 'In the ears of a fool do not speak,' and not 'With a fool do not speak.' This is the voice of experience. I have tried all of this several times at a mitzvah feast and have found it to be true. Therefore, flee, my son, from a gathering like this, for he [the fool] demeans all who are there; or seize silence and be saved."

In sum, if one wishes to merit the trait of guarding his tongue, he should do the opposite of what "the men of the tongue" do, who are wont to walk always in a gathering of men, hoping to hear something they can mock or that they can afterwards "peddle" to others. And they are accustomed always to look for news in the city between man and his neighbor, so that their tongue should not be silenced for one moment in the day. And he [who desires to guard his tongue] should do the opposite.

All should be done by stages. First, he should accustom himself not to stand in the company of men and not to "sniff out" news. Afterwards, he should accustom his soul, little by little, not to want to hear any news, until, in the course of time, the Holy One Blessed be He will help him acquire the trait of guarding his tongue, as [part of] his nature. So that if he afterwards sees a man transgressing the issur of lashon hara and the like, his soul will be astounded, for this thing will already have become strange to him by nature, as are all of the other issurim to all of Israel. This has already been tried in the crucible of experience, that the guarding of one's tongue from evil and one's ears from hearing forbidden things produces hardship for a man for only a few weeks. For afterwards, when the people see that this man refuses to listen to lashon hara and levity and other forbidden things, every speaker will stop telling this man things which might be tainted with this issur and he will take his wares of lashon hara and rechiluth to those who desire to take them. For he will see that this man will not accord him honor and glory [by peddling his wares to him], but will see him as a man of lashon hara and a mocker. And he will almost not have to guard himself anymore from listening [to such speech], for the men of lashon hara themselves, when they are telling some story, will guard themselves against him! If he is standing near them, they will not speak, fearing that this hearer will spoil their wares in the eyes of the other "buyers." It [(guarding one's tongue)] will be difficult for a man only in the beginning, to resolve to undertake this faithfully. And all of this is included in the principle of Chazal (Moed Katan 5a): "He who assesses his ways in this world merits seeing [the truth], with the help of the Holy One Blessed be He."